I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
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