Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
