I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize