I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
