Can i not drive my cunt home
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
