I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
