I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
