He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
