11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...