it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am