i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day