i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped