I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love accidental penises.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.