I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...