I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
