fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
