so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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