why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
