so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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