areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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