fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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