I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
