My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
