last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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