Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
