I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
