i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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