Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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