whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
