Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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