Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
