Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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