I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
