i permit you to call me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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