obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
