Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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