The maid of honor just puked.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize