Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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