Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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