I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
