The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
