I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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