I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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