What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
