i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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