"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
