i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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