he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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