i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
