There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
