new low.... made out with someone while peeing
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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