I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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