so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Houston, we have a blender
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
