Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
