Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
