It's Friday. Sex?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
