It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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