I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
