thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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