So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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