I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my poor anus
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
