p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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