I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
