Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
