There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
