don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Farmville is her only friend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
