physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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