but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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