You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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