just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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