sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
