I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
