So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
