She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
