I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
