The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
